


A Night in the Library

by alightwith_happiness



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, First War with Voldemort, Head Boy James Potter, Head Girl Lily Evans, High School, Hogsmeade, Hogwarts, Marauders, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Sharing a Bed, Winter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-27 07:42:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20404126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alightwith_happiness/pseuds/alightwith_happiness
Summary: Our favorite Heads' first night together.What started as a bed-sharing fluff fic is now a high school drama with slow burn Jily and their classic tropes. Plus all the characters we know and love shipping ! Jily ! as much as we do !





	1. Chapter 1

Lily struggled to keep her eyes open. Sat alone at a library workbench, she turned to look out the high, arched window beside her. She could faintly distinguish where one dense cloud began and another ended, though it was nearly black outside this hour. Hogwarts thick walls were keeping her well protected from what Lily knew was sure to be the windiest January night.

Most students had turned in as it was but their second week back from the Christmas holiday, but here Lily was working on a theoretical Transfiguration essay long after dinner. Not only was she already neck deep in their N.E.W.T. coursework, but being back the past ten days to find all her friends alive and intact had taken another toll on Lily.

Soon to graduate from Hogwarts, the seventh-years hadn't spared a single moment, day or night, cherishing each other's company. Sirius led the laughs, Marlene the most dramatic stories. Peter already had a detention, and Emmeline a Slytherin, a Hufflepuff, _and_ a Ravenclaw boy's precious time in a broom closet. Remus and Dorcas, though quiet, slayed with their occasional yet sharp remarks; and Alice and Frank, sensible as they were, were source of witty banter and even more significant news.

But even these eight whom she loved so much had gone to bed before midnight tonight, as unlike her and James, they did not have the responsibility of Heads. James would be meeting her here soon for midnight rounds, right after he checked in on a Gryffindor fourth-year in the hospital wing.

With only a dying lantern to illuminate her parchment, Lily tried her best to focus again on her essay.

_If only James was here_, she couldn't help but think.

He was a natural at Transfiguration, and not only the practical bit. James himself manifested the physicality of it. It was like his mind could seamlessly make sense of the concepts, _how_Transfiguration _happened_, and to hear him explain it and see his brain work aloud like that was magic in itself to Lily.

_James_, eyes closed, Lily's mind wandered off once more.

She had been thinking about him a lot lately, and not just because they happened to be together almost every minute of every day this year.

Last year, they'd become friends. Her sharing her fears, him his secrets. And somehow that ended in him kissing her senseless on the Quidditch pitch in front of the whole school when he won the Cup as Captain their sixth year. In the last few weeks of that school year, amidst flushed cheeks and only-slightly awkward bumps in the hallway or hand brushes on the Great Hall table, they didn't mention it. In fact, _the kiss_ had been almost forgotten over the summer when James greeted her on the Hogwarts Express this year with a, "Had a good holiday, Evans?"

Almost. For now, Lily wanted nothing more than to kiss James again.

His fingers, when they drummed impatiently against the wooden table as he finished the last of his homework; his hands, as they clasped behind Sirius's shoulders in excitement; his chest, which, with him being nearly a foot taller than her, Lily found herself running into a few more times than was accidental; his arms, on blatant display of their chiseled glory in the cutoff vest he wore to practice... Lily wanted those fingers wrapped in her hair, those hands behind her neck, herself in those arms, on that chest.

James probably wanted the same, she thought. But for Lily, it was more than a physical attraction. He was intelligent, but also surprisingly caring. What he'd done for Remus and Sirius, and how he behaved with the underclassmen, the teachers, and the way he'd ask after their friends' families, often remembering details others would have long forgotten... That he both gave respect and commanded it, Lily knew she was done for.

But she was afraid. Afraid to give this companionship, this chemistry, another more permanent name. In the war brewing outside these walls, she could lose him. And for that, she wasn't ready.

"Thinking about me, Evans?"

Lily shrieked. James had appeared from beneath his Invisibility Cloak to be sitting right next to her.

"How many times have I told you to stop doing that?!" Lily smacked him.

"Well, at least you're up now, aren't you?"

"How long have you been sitting there?"

"Why? Was there something you didn't want me seeing?"

Lily playfully hit his arm again.

"OW!"

"Shh," she whispered, unconsciously drawing her head closer to his. "Madam Pince will hear!"

Lily was now definitely awake and, truth be told, delighted he was here now, and not just for the company in the despair that was the Hogwarts library this late at night. She was delighted it was _him_, full of joy and mischief, bringing her light no matter what state of mind she was in.

James was straddling the bench and leaning down over Lily and her unfinished essay. They were so close that Lily could see a bit behind his glasses and definitely feel the heat from his sudden presence.

Eyebrows raised and a slight smile playing at her lips, she continued in a whisper, "Well, you're on time."

"You wouldn't have been done with this even if I had come earlier," he said quickly but not hurtfully, sliding the essay towards him and beginning to read. "And besides, Creevey is an idiot. He's still going to be in the hospital wing for another week, and I can't have my Seeker out during the first sessions of term so I brought him some—"

"James..." Lily said slowly. She was always berating him for using insults casually, and either he was getting conditioned or he wanted to be better for her, so he jumped back in:

"Sorry, he's not an idiot. Well, he should have _thought_ about the team before getting into a duel with Avery. But anyways, I sneaked in one of my dad's healing potions, and that should speed up the recovery time."

Lily knew better than to mention that Madam Promfrey's healing prowess was second to none because when it came to beating Slytherin at Quidditch, James would leave no stone unturned. James started writing where Lily had left off, occasionally sucking the end of the Sugar Quill before dipping it ink.

"Are you doing that on purpose?" she said.

"What? Finishing your homework?" James replied, now furiously sketching a figure beneath the text.

"No, sucking on _my_ Sugar Quill."

Lily's mouth had been there minutes before, and she was sure James knew this.

"Given that this is the closest I'm going to get..." he trailed off, not looking up.

Lily might have thought, _What? No! You can kiss me right now, James_, but she was too busy, her head now resting on a propped arm, watching him work.

He was so perfect—broad shoulders, soft skin, that serious look—and just inches away. They were so comfortable with each other by now, sharing their food, their space, that it was like any other time, but Lily was very aware that her and James were this close alone for one of the first.

She sat there for what seemed like minutes, her heartbeat slowly gathering speed and her breath quickening, watching his dark eyes flit across the page. Twice he ran his hands through the front of his hair, but it didn't make much difference as it settled back both times in his characteristic bed head formation almost immediately. Lily wanted herself to reach out and run her own fingers through James's hair, when

"AHEM!" James faked coughed, loud enough to break Lily from her trance but quiet enough to still be a whisper.

Lily choked on her own breath and started coughing.

James immediately put down the Sugar Quill and started rubbing her back.

"_Accio water_!"

A thermos with Hogwarts seal imprinted on the side appeared from the kitchens, and with his free hand, James unscrewed the lid and offered Lily the warm water.

As soon as Lily's fit subsided, James pepped up like normal, "Now, I know that I can have that effect on the ladies, but Evans, I thought you were impervious to my charms."

"It's not 'cause of—" Lily began to argue but was hushed by James.

"Not your fault, love. I'm just that good. Now that your essay is _finally_ done, let's finish rounds? I'm shattered."

"Thanks James," she said sincerely, but then added sarcastically, "What would I do without you?"

Now it was James's turn to watch Lily as she gathered her belongings. The long hours did show on her face, but James found her as beautiful as she was coming down into the Common Room bright and early in the mornings. He was always joking with her because maybe he didn't know how to be serious yet. James didn't know if he was even capable of being as reliable, as responsible as she deserved. Still, he tried his best the ways he knew how.

Lily unfastened her heavy robes to reveal leggings and a dark green cardigan and pulled out a band that had been holding up her hair all day. Grabbing her packed school bag, she draped the robes over her arm.

"I was getting stuffy," she stated casually. "Ready?"

James nodded. "Give me that. I'm not holding anything."

He took her miserably heavy bag from her and despite her initial politeness, she gave in. James motioned with his arm for her to lead the way out of the library.

As they walked, her just a bit ahead, he smiled inside at how elegantly her hair fell down her back, unmarred by a long day of lectures and leadership. In the dim light of the lantern he held up, James could also more clearly see her petite build now that she wasn't donning her robes. Chest high, chin up, straight back, Lily gracefully walked them to the exit.

Though he wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around her from behind, he dare not disturb the peace they already had. It had taken a decent while to build their comfortable friendship. He would protect her and care for her visibly, but he could only love her from a distance until he knew that was what she wanted too.

Stepping in front of her, James went to open the large doors that led to the rest of Hogwarts corridors. But the knob didn't move.

James shook it once more and tried the one on the other side. Frustrated, "It's locked."

"What? Let me try!"

Lily repeated James's motions to no avail.

James had now pulled out his wand, "_Alohamora._"

The pair heard a clicking noise but when Lily went for the doorknobs again, they refused to budge.

"What? We can't be locked in. Madam Pince knew I was in here!"

"The door was open when I just came," said James, slowly. "Maybe I'll try Sirius."

Lily knew of the mirrors James and Sirius used to communicate, but her heart first sunk and then soared when Sirius, who was probably snoring steadfastly, failed to answer.

_A night with James_?

James, who it hadn't hit yet that he might be spending the night with Lily Evans, his lifelong dream finally coming true, started banging on the door.

"Shh! Filch will hear you and give us detentions, forget we're Heads!"

Lily reached out and grabbed James's wrist to stop him. As he met her green eyes, James's voice caught in his throat. One thing was clear:

James Potter and Lily Evans, one time enemies and now sexually tense best friends, would be spending the night alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Finding his voice, James gulped. "So I guess we're stuck here then."

He fixated on the sudden contact from Lily's hand on his. Her fingers firm, they sent sparks up his neck. James had to stop himself from taking her hand in his and deepening their touch.

"I guess we are," replied Lily, withdrawing her hold on James's wrist and thus breaking his focus. "Is there anything else we can try? Ask a house elf to help us apparate out?"

James shook his head. Being the mastermind that he was, he had already once tried this trick with Sirius. They had been stuck in a secret passageway leading out of Hogwarts, but the house elf could not bring them Side-Along.

"They'll have to just let us out first thing in the morning," he said. "Let's find a spot to settle down for the night?"

"Yeah, okay," chimed Lily, adjusting the school robes in her arms. She looked down and started to play with the Head Girl badge pinned on one lapel. "I feel bad for skipping rounds though."

"I'm sure the castle will be fine without us for one night, Lils."

The same spot in both their minds, James and Lily made their way to the fireplace in the center of the library. An ancient mahogany table stood directly in front of the fireplace, and facing in towards it were a large maroon divan sofa on one side and two chesterfield armchairs on the other. Lily placed her stuff down on the one farther from the fireplace.

James, who had already _Incendio_-ed a fire, began, "I'll take the other armchair."

"No, that's silly!" Lily blurted reactively. "We'll share the sofa."

_Shit_. Lily began to process what she had unthinkingly said, while James's eyes went as wide as Quaffles. The two were close, but invisible physical barriers still remained. Where even hugs were seldom come by, she was suggesting _sharing a bed?_ Lily tried desperately to rectify her words.

"I mean… I don't think you'll fit on the armchair… And only if you're fine with that, that is..."

"No—sure! Yeah..." As he nodded his head seriously to mitigate her embarrassment, James had to stop himself from being _too_ enthusiastic and adding 'absolutely.'

_Shut up, shut up, why wouldn't he want to sleep __with_ NEXT _to you?! You just made it worse_. Lily mentally kicked herself. She was lucky it was dark so that James couldn't see the shade of scarlet she'd turned.

Meanwhile, James was looking at her as if he were trying to read her. _She doesn't mean it like that... Does she? Nothing will happen..._

_We both know that's not true_, Lily practically replied to James, the same thoughts also swirling in her mind. She was trying her hardest to not let her emotions show on her face. Excitement, nervousness, elation.

"It'll be fine," said James, addressing aloud what they were both clearing thinking. "Surely."

"Okay then."

Not knowing what else to do, Lily awkwardly went and sat on the sofa. James started to remove his own school robes.

"You're dressed well," Lily couldn't help but say when underneath the robes were crisply pressed black jeans, a leather belt, and a white button down shirt, the sleeves of which were rolled up to James's elbows.

"Ever the tone of surprise," James gently smiled again, his eyes in hers. As he moved to remove his belt—

"You are NOT taking your pants off, Potter."

James just laughed. "Don't worry, Evans. Just can't sleep with the belt on."

At this, Lily's mind went into overdrive. _Why couldn't she have just kept quiet? Merlin knows what kind of girl James now thought she was. And the bit about the pants? Totally unnecessary. She'd seen him around the girls—he wasn't _like _that._

They were seventh-years now, way past the stage when they would have already been fighting each other—Lily most likely blaming James—for the pickle they were in. But being seventh-years and in such proximity...

Logically speaking, James knew he should still take the armchair. He knew Lily might be uncomfortable—even though _she_ suggested their sleeping arrangement—and that he shouldn't push it. But something in him couldn't help but walk over to her. It made him so happy to just be near her, to be close to Lily Evans, to be her _friend_.

"_So_ how are we going to do this?"

_Smooth, Prongs_. James tried his best to not roll his eyes as Sirius might have if he'd been here. He should have just taken a side of the couch and told Lily goodnight.

"Uhm," Lily scooted in toward the back of the divan, patting beside her.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure, Potter. We're just sleeping! It's not like we're having s—"

Both Lily and James froze. Lily barely stopped herself from covering her face with her hands. And James knew that, one way or another, he had to play the swooping hero.

_I am NEVER living this down_.

_Quick! Say something and make it less awkward!_

"Sorry, yeah, you're right. Silly of me to ask like that."

_'Silly of me to ask like that_?' _Who was he?_

James plopped down next to Lily. Surprisingly, the divan was the perfect size for both of them. While he laid on his side, she was still sitting, arms around her knees, and turned to face away from him, glancing out the colossal Hogwarts windows towards the building storm.

Though she didn't yet say so, James could tell that something bigger than being locked in the library with him was bothering her. Her eyes and cheeks, usually raised and full of life, had dropped.

"It's alright, Lils. Come sleep. You've had a long day."

Begrudgingly, Lily lay flat on her back, and for her comfort, James also turned to look at the ceiling, arms behind his head. Lily spoke first.

"I wonder what it's like out there."

"Probably cold and wet."

"I mean generally, outside the confines of the four walls of Hogwarts. Living in uncertainty, constantly worrying about your family, how to keep them safe…"

The thoughts rolled off Lily's tongue. She still shied away from mentioning the possibility that any time could be the last time you were seeing a loved one, but even baring this much to James… it was the exhaustion speaking.

"Terrifying. It's probably terrifying."

At this, Lily shifted. Putting themselves in young Aurors shoes, they both lay in a silence filled only by their uneven breaths. Then, James went on.

"I don't mean to be crude, but you're right. It would be nice to not have to leave the castle, would it not?"

He didn't know what else to say. Both his parents had succumbed to their fate standing up for equality just last year. It wasn't that he'd turned to ice inside but he generally shoved the feelings down as far as he could. Sirus, Remus, Peter… even Lily, having those he cared about around him and well helped prevent the excruciating pain from surfacing. A part of James wanted to tell Lily… about his nightmares, about how he wasn't ready… but maybe more of him didn't know if he could let her in yet. He cared for her, but did she? For him?

"Everything that's happening... the bloodbath, the complete and utter terror... I don't know if I'm ready to leave Hogwarts."

Lily took the words right out of his mouth. Before he knew it, James spewed what he was debating moments before.

"Me neither, Lily. But what else_ can_ we do but learn our best now so that we're prepared for what's out there?"

She knew he was right, the question more a rhetorical one. But when did logic ever really trump emotion?

James chanced a glance to his side, where Lily lay like a log, eyes wide open. _She can't be comfortable_ _like that_, he thought. When he was helping her finish her Transfiguration essay, he'd noticed the floral perfume she wore was stronger than usual. Now, it was driving him mad. What was it? Rose? _Lily_? What the hell did lilies even smell like? And where was it coming from?! Her hair? Her neck? If only he could move closer, find the source, nuzzle…

Sensing his eyes on her, Lily spoke, "You know, I never thought I'd be in this situation with you. It's… ironic."

James stayed quiet. Though Lily had chosen her words carefully, he didn't quite understand. _She thought being with him was _ironic_? What was that supposed to mean?_

Answering his inner voice once more, she added, "Not that I don't want to be here with you, but it's ironic how in long time you liked me, nothing like this happened. And now that you don't—"

"Is that what you think?" James sat up suddenly. Of all he could have fathomed, he had not expected this. He thought he'd made his feelings crystal clear—as clear as he could without being overbearing. "That I don't like you?"

"No, I know you _like_ me. Just not like _that..._"

"Well you're wrong. Never for a moment have I stopped liking you, Lils."

Lily looked up at James hovering over her. _How did this suddenly get so serious? _Not knowing how else to respond to his _very frank_ proclamation, Lily challenged him.

"Then why did you stop bothering me about it?"

_Was that hurt on his face?_ Lily sensed a quickly furrowing brow before James resumed his naturally charismatic expression.

"It's simple. If you were going to like me, you'd do it on your own terms. I didn't _want_ to _bother_ you into it, assuming it would even work in the first place, which it wouldn't." James continued on without stopping, "I was—I _am_ lucky to be friends with you, and I don't want to ruin that. That doesn't mean that I didn't—that I _don't_—want more."

_Gah, this girl! How much more straight with her could he possibly be? _But James reassured himself that if there was anyone apart from the Marauders he would let in this much, it was Lily.

"You're my best friend, James."

_Well, fuck_.

"I would say you're mine, but..."

"I know," Lily smiled. And she didn't say it but he knew, too. She wouldn't want to take that place.

He smiled and lay back down next to her. If they were going to sleep like this, he might as well get comfortable.

After a short while, she added, "I wish I had the courage to be more than just your friend…"

James held his breath. After a brief pause, Lily went on.

"You mean more to me than that… but I don't—I can't—with the war going on…"

Lily had lost her parents too. He was honestly surprised she'd said this much. Maybe it was the fact they were now the closest they had ever been, shoulders touching, fingers brushing. James and Lily could ignore it all they wanted, but the more they tried, the other's very real, tangible presence was proving too much to not give in to. And rightfully so.

"And you're Pureblood, and I'm—" she started.

He responded so fast, as if he were trained to act out against this word as harshly as its commonly condemned counterpart.

"Don't say that."

When he put his arm underneath her shoulders and pulled her close, she didn't resist. It felt natural.

"I'm scared, James," Lily whispered, closing her eyes and turning into him.

James protectively wrapped his other arm around her. "I won't let anything happen to you, Lils."

They stayed like that for some time. Quiet. Lily wrapped in James's embrace, where she'd admittedly long longed to be. The moment far surpassed James's expectations of it, but even he was so immersed in the bliss that he didn't acknowledge it.

Their icy unease had melted away as soon as they softened towards each other this night. Perhaps the more they would ease into one another, their avenue of friendship would pave way to something pure, unadulterated.

Wordlessly, Lily shifted above James a number of times. She settled in a spot where the steady drum of his heartbeat touched her soul, a reminder that though the world might be falling apart, James—dare she say it, _her_ James—was here, alive and well, _holding_ her.

For now, she was safe. He would vow to it, of course, but it went without saying that he would fight for her wellbeing until his dying breath.

And just like that, James fell asleep, Lily in his arms, for this was how it was meant to be. 


	3. Chapter 3

Peter woke with a lurch and bolted upright. This was not an uncommon way for him to start the morning. As his twitches and tingles subsided, he sensed, or rather smelled, something out of place in the Gryffindor boys' dormitory. Something absent.

Sirius was snoring, sprawled across his four-poster bed, half in and half out of the sheets. Remus was knocked out as a log so silent that unless you looked over to his wall of the room, you would miss the fact that he was there at all. Frank was also present and asleep, but James? _Where was he?_

Upheaving his sheets and knocking over the table lamp in the process, Peter rushed to Sirius.

"Padfoot! Wake up! _WAY—KH—UHP!" _he said, shaking Sirius's arm. "Moony! Frank!"

In his slumber, Sirius growled like the angry German Shepherd he was.

Hearing the commotion, Remus arose next.

"What's going on?" he said lightly, eyes adjusting to the light that was beginning to peek through the curtained windows.

Frank stirred a few times, and Peter continued to work on Sirius.

When Sirius was decidedly disturbed enough, he raised his head towards Peter and greeted him, "Where's the fire, Wormtail?"

"Padfoot, James! He's not here!"

"What do you mean—?" Sirius wiped the drool off of his chin.

"He's not _here_, not in the dorm, not in his _bed,_" clarified Remus, who was now conscious enough to motion over to James's bed.

"What's happening?" mumbled Frank, clearly used to the Marauders' antics by now.

"Nothing," Remus called over. "James is probably at an early practice or something."

Frank plopped his pillow over his ears and snuggled back into his early morning snooze.

"But it's Tuesday! We have lessons in an hour!" Peter exclaimed. He moved over to the window to dramatically pull apart the curtains. "And it's snowing!"

"Then he's probably down early, finishing up some homework," began Remus. "I'm sure it's nothing to fret about, Peter…"

The two looked over at Sirius who had made his way up to a sitting position. His legs, clad in grey joggers, were hanging from the side of his bed, and he was donning a black t-shirt. An emerald green _Fuck Slytherin_ graphic was painted into the center, over which Sirius had made slits through. He often wore this to sleep, and unmistakably, as recollection of where James might be 'unfogged' in his mind, Sirius formed his infamous mischievous grin.

Remus knew the expression well. "What? You know where he is?"

Peter didn't. "Great Hall? Library?"

Sirius simply stood up and retrieved his school robes from his wardrobe, walked past his two friends, both of whose eyes were glued to Sirius. As he made his way to the boys' bathroom, Sirius turned back at them and winked.

"Oh, he's in the library alright. _You'll see_."

* * *

Meanwhile, the white light outdoors flooded into the Hogwarts library, gradually at first and then all at once. Snowflakes cradled by great gusts of wind swept past the floor-to-ceiling windows without a sound. If someone had been in the library at this early hour—say, two someones fast asleep in each other's embrace—they would've only heard a dying fire, lit the night before.

Some shuffling had occurred as they slept, so James and Lily now lay side by side, her arm wrapped around him and his beneath her head. The heat they emitted as one had been enough to keep them warm through the night, and the proximity of the other proved to be the perfect remedy for keeping worrisome thoughts at bay.

Lily tightened her arm around James. It was either that or his body's clock, accustomed to early school mornings, that woke James. He felt her close to him before he saw her: deep, even breaths, her delicate weight, fingers curled around his waist.

When James opened his eyes, Lily's face, inches away, took his breath away. She was beautiful; there was no other word for it. Her dark red hair was intruding upon her forehead, where the marks of stress present while Lily was awake were absent and her habitually raised brows were at rest. James didn't think he'd—heck he _hadn't—_ever been this close to Lily, and her soft skin and gently parted lips were beseeching him closer.

_She looks so… peaceful_, thought James. Almost wishing he could stay like this forever, James instead worked to commit every nuance of this moment to memory. Lily's godly-sculpted face, the immeasurable joy he found in waking up with her in his arms…

Increasingly alert, James felt as if he'd never before in his life woken _this_ refreshed. He hoped with all his heart that Lily'd slept as well as he did, for he knew the toll life was taking on her these days. To get her to shift her routine just enough to prioritize herself, her health, was impossible. However, this night in the library may just have done it.

It was at the point where James had been up for way too long—_What time was it? How late were they for class? Why wasn't anyone, _particularly Madam Pince_, here yet?_—but seeing Lily sleeping so angelically, James didn't have the heart to wake her.

But as James attempted to inconspicuously move his arm, he felt her jostle above him, and he froze.

Her eyes still closed, Lily wished just a few more minutes of the best sleep she'd had in _ages_. Hazily, she recalled her dream: she and James got locked in the library and… a sentimental discussion later, they'd fallen asleep cuddling. _But what happened next?_ Lily willed herself back into her dreaming state, right where she'd left off, but movement beneath her surprised her into consciousness.

_What the_—

It hadn't been a dream! She'd really slept with—well, _on—_James!

Lily opened her eyes to find him already awake, and the panic stricken expression James was notorious for in the seconds when he knew some prank was going to blow was on his face.

"I—uh—" he began defensively.

"Hi," Lily replied simply. She couldn't take her eyes off of him.

James's bed head was infinitely worse in the mornings, but undeniably cuter. The thought of how jealous _every_ Hogwarts girl would be if she knew that Lily had spent the night with James gave Lily an adrenaline rush. It made _her_ feel special. Not that she was any less than him—and Lily_ low key_ flaunted it too—but James Potter, Head Boy, Quidditch Captain, soon-to-be-Auror, handsome and kind and hysterical... he really was the whole package. And _my oh my _did he make for Lily's new favorite pillow.

But none of this did Lily say aloud as she continued to look at him, his face now relaxed, vulnerable even. If she could only reach up and…

"Good morning," he smiled, his words divulging his heart as fast as they could. "I hope you slept well. I meant to wake you, but you looked so peaceful… and I didn't want to disturb you!"

This broke Lily's reverie, and she smiled back. "I did, thank you."

She had never seen James without glasses, and though something looked amiss without them, Lily could gaze into his eyes unhindered. The dancing flames from the night before, now dwindling, reflected in James's hazel eyes and brought them to life. _What lay deeper, _thought Lily,_ behind his front of unaffected charisma?_

"We should probably see what time it is. Maybe we're not that late given that no one is here yet."

"Yeah…," Lily sat up on the antiquated sofa. She'd completely missed what he'd just said. "As nice as this is…"

This harmless comment made fireworks go off in James's mind. _She liked it as much as I did?!_

Unable to test his luck any further, and rushing to seem responsible enough, James stumbled off the sofa, and Lily followed suit. He ran to the library gates, impossibly locked the midnight before, while Lily straightened her clothes and retrieved her school bag and both their robes.

"Thank Merlin! They're open again!" James shouted over. "And we have just an hour 'til lessons."

Lily joined him, handing him his school robes. "Good. We have time to get decent before Transfiguration then…"

Happily snatching her book bag as well, James retorted, _"_We're decent _now_! Maybe time to just _not _look like we slept in the library…"

As the pair left the library, closing the big wooden doors behind them, they missed the sign that read 'Library Closed for Scheduled Maintenance.'

The truth was the Hogwarts library had never before closed its doors to pupils. And the mulled mead Madam Pince had before bed the night before put her out for longer than usual. By the time she would return, the sign would magically disappear, almost as if it had never been there at all.

"I hope McGonagall doesn't realize we skipped rounds."

"I'm sure that'll be least of her concerns after she reads your horrendous essay on transfiguration for deceit and disguise."

"Hey!" Lily purposely bumped shoulders with James. "It was only that bad until you came along and helped. For which, thank you by the way! A hundred thousand times, James!"

James sniggered. "But what if I actually made it _worse_?"

Lily gasped, stopping to walk completely. "You wouldn't!"

At her severe reaction, James decided to not take the joke any further. He had in fact worked harder on Lily's essay than his own.

James and Lily continued on like that, returning to their bantering, friendly selves and disappearing into the vast Hogwarts corridors. On the rest of the walk up to Gryffindor tower, though saved deep in their hearts, their night together in the library floated away from their minds. Much to their joy (if only they now knew), this night was but a first that James and Lily would share.


	4. Chapter 4

By the time Lily and James returned to the Common Room, it was deserted but for a pair of straggling third-years. One boy was hand combing his unruly hair while his friend straightened his own maroon and gold tie. The two rushed past—mumbling something about sneaking a pasty each into the day's first lesson—as James and Lily stepped out from the Portrait of the Fat Lady.

Once again, the two were unusually alone in a space that was otherwise occupied. It was warmer here than in the corridors, and the air ever so slightly more dense owing to the drapes and carpet. James became suddenly aware of how close Lily was to him in such an expansive space.

Lily caught James looking fondly in the direction of the storm swept boys.

"Reminiscing? If I'm not mistaken, you and Sirius still act no differently."

"If I'm not mistaken, you and I will be no different if we don't hurry."

"Meet you down here in five?"

James smiled at her, and Lily smiled back.

—

_"WHERE IS SHE?_ _"_

Pumpkin juice splashed a foot into the air in front of the three Marauders, high enough to catch the attention of Remus, who was buried behind The Daily Prophet. Peter, his mouth full, gulped; Sirius, a fork of half-eaten charred sausage halfway to his lips, set down his utensil.

The glass Marlene had slammed onto the table spilled juice not only onto the table but also onto some of their breakfast saucers. Sun glistened upon the students from the enchanted ceiling above, highlighting the tips of their noses and also the pumpkin juice.

Dorcas tugged on Marlene's robes, whispering, "James isn't here either."

"Merlin, Marlene," began Sirius as he lifted his plate to wipe away the orange tackiness. "Now don't act like you didn't want them away together."

"Stop evading, Black. I know this has something to do with your useless antics. Remus?"

Before Remus could answer, Alice—who'd been at the table with Frank and the boys—said, "Marlene, aren't you overreacting a bit? I'm sure they'll turn up at Transfiguration."

"Yeah," added Emmeline, more focused on her meal of fresh fruit and black coffee than on the morning chatter. "Heads work, most like—"

"Excuse me, Marlene, but useless?" Sirius waved his wand so that his and Marlene's juice glasses were instantly filled. "Last week you ventured to call my antics entertaining."

Before Remus went back to his paper, he answered (carefully avoiding the word seriously as it would result in a domino of rolling eyes down the table), "Truly, girls, even I don't know where they went. Peter woke me this morning saying that James wasn't in his bed, and that's when I found out too."

Peter looked at Marlene, and Frank affirmed the story with a solemn nod.

To Dorcas, as the two settled in, but more to herself, Marlene concluded, "Lily has never been out of bed all night without letting me know where she is. I will get to the bottom of this."

As the eight attended to their first meal of the day, the initial commotion morphed into the ritual discourse of homework answers from the night before and the upcoming trip to Hogsmeade. Every other friend group, regardless of House, also discussed these same topics over their own cups of black breakfast tea and smoldering beans on precisely browned toast. James and Lily would turn up in double Transfiguration alright, and the truth could be drawn out of the couple then.

—

At the strike of nine, eighteen seventh-years were standing with their wands lowered facing the front of McGonagall's classroom, where the stern Professor stood. She briskly surveyed the room to find full attendance by N.E.W.T students from the other Houses but two from her own missing.

"Mr. Black," McGonagall cleared her throat. "Might you know where Mr. Potter and Ms. Evans are this morning?"

"Present!" came a booming, yet short of breath, voice.

"Sorry Professor! We were—" followed an equally commanding but aprehensive one. "It won't happen again."

As the full stock of Transfiguration students turned to the door, James and Lily came bustling in. Lily rushed to the side of the Gryffindor girls, running on tiptoe with her head down to make herself look smaller. One of James's hands was in his hair as always—his glasses not fully set up his nose—and his other rose in an apologetic wave at McGonagall.

Sirius winked at James, and Marlene had but a chance to angrily whisper "Where were you?" to Lily before McGonagall raised her brows.

"I expect it won't... Now who can tell us the first new topic we're covering for N.E.W.T.s this term."

A girl who looked like she might grow up to be Professor McGonagall raised her hand.

"Ms. Bones?"

"Disguise and Deception," Amelia enunciated from the previous night's reading. "Transforming our surroundings and ourselves permanently or temporarily to protect, change, or mislead."

"That is correct."

At this, the Ravenclaw girl raised her chin a bit higher and across the room, a blonde haired Marauder mimicked her uptightness.

"Now, while we've spent the first few weeks back reviewing last term's N.E.W.T. coursework and while the end of year exams are essential for your chosen futures, I suspect you all are in my class for something more."

Ears perked up as McGonagall continued, "No matter what your House dictates, you are all in this class because you are smart, you are brave, you care, and you see yourselves someplace better. There is a war taking lives every day outside these walls, and what we learn, what we practice, here in this classroom, from now through year end, will take you farther than any Ministry-approved exam. So learn with heart and learn for more than marks. It will serve you a lifetime."

McGonagall waved her wand and the classroom was transformed into the first floor of a lived-in home. A drawing room, a dining room, a kitchen, and a living room full of their customary furniture and knick knacks appeared.

"Your home is being attacked and you have to apparate immediately. Work in groups of five, each group take a room, and by end of class, have your room convincingly transfigured so an attacker won't care to seek beyond the surface."

Once the groups split up, side conversations ensued. Seventh years used most of every class time for practice—not theory— and naturally, this was conducive to socialization. Away from the ten Gryffindors, a group of scrambled Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs chatted...

"Wonder why they were late," whispered Mary.

"What a tart, honestly," Amelia hushed back, glaring bitterly across the room where Lily and James each worked with their friends.

"You better act fast, Mel. Hogsmeade is coming up, and this is our last term."

"Don't be so worrisome, Mary. James and I will both end up at the Ministry, where the ginger won't be to distract him."

"Are you two grumbling over Mr. Hotshot again?" came a male voice from their group, one of three who had actually started the assignment and were now turning cutlery into twigs. "Pine for him all you will, but it's pretty clear he only has eyes for Evans."

"Abbott, please. She—"

"Who wouldn't? I do... she's quite _endowed_," emphasized Harold Abbott to the amusement of Edward Macmillan and Ted Tonks. "Wouldn't be surprised if she's got Potter all wrapped around her finger."

"She's a Muggle," scoffed Amelia. "A boy like Potter should know what—or rather who—is best for him."

"And if he doesn't?" Ed snickered, slapping Ted across the back. "Dromeda doesn't seem to mind good ol' Ted so much by the look on her face when Filch caught them the day back from Christmas holidays."

"If he doesn't," Amelia said firmly, focusing her energy on the slab before her and willing it into a moss-covered, long-forgotten log. "Then he will."

In the bedroom across the floor, Marlene displayed a similar intensity.

"Where were you last night Lils?"

"I fell asleep in the library."

"And James? Was he with you?"

Lily felt blood rush into her face and stared at her best friend.

"No," Lily lied. "I just fell asleep working on the Transfiguration essay. After rounds... James wasn't with me."

Perhaps she wanted to keep her secret from her eager friends a little longer. How James's solid body felt underneath her hardly an hour before; how he wiped her fearful tears the night before, making her believe she would always be fine as long as he was there to wipe them; and how he had unequivocally said he never for a moment stopped liking her... these moments were best kept private.

Marlene shook her head at Lily in disbelief, not questioning further. For now.

The five girls waved their wands in unison and the four poster bed melted into the ground to form a patch of grass.

Nearby, the boys' conservation was tangential.

Frank head them off with, "Peter freaked the eff out when you weren't in the dormitory this morning."

"Yeah Prongs, where were you?" Peter chimed.

Remus stayed silent, and Sirius mirthfully surveyed the interrogation.

"Fell asleep in the library."

James set his eyes on the formal drawing room before him, waiting for inspiration to take flight. He knew the boys wanted to know exactly what he'd been up to, and so he would steer the conversation another way. Nights in the library had a way of becoming something much less innocent, and James didn't want an image of him and Lily floating around that was anything less than the truth. They were friends, and though he desperately ached for them to be more, they were not just yet.

"The library? That's where Sirius said you—"

"It was just a late night of rounds," Sirius interrupted suddenly.

When no one questioned him, James turned to look at his closest friend, comprehension striking like lightening on James's face. The Map had been with James so Sirius couldn't have known about the library. Still deciding whether to be vexed or enthralled at Sirius's scheme, James noted that the others didn't seem to know he'd been with Lily. Until she signified she wanted otherwise, James would prioritize keeping it that way.

"Late night or early morning," pressed Peter, returning to James. "Did you and Lily finally—"

"That's enough," he said. It was the same voice he used when putting an end to a brawl in the corridors.

He'd deal with his feelings about being set up later. And regardless, _If I'm to mistrust Sirius for meaning well, what would it say about me?_ It was whatever Peter had just insinuated about him and Lily, however, that made James's blood boil. _How could Peter—he has no idea how fragile our relationship is—suggest ANYTHING? It isn't just a callous crush, my feelings for Lily. Pete has to know that by now_. But James also wasn't about to say anything aloud right now when he was certain their class was eavesdropping. The Marauders may have had a post grad agenda, but so did the others, and James couldn't bear to put anyone he loved in danger.

A look from Remus silenced Peter if James's tone hadn't already. Frank took over for James and the chest of drawers folded in on itself many times until it squeezed in between the wooden floorboards it had stood upon.

Meanwhile, James's mind raced. Were Lily's friends questioning her the same way? He was a guy... was she meeting a greater deal of disapproval? The girls knew he had feelings for her, but they didn't expect him to cross any lines, did they? He was Head Boy now. He'd long since cleaned up his act. Was she okay? The stigma that was shamelessly proliferating their school... a Pureblood and a Muggleborn... if anyone caught wind and tried to hurt her for it... as if they needed another reason to hate Lily for being so perfect...

James looked over at the bedroom where the girls worked in tandem. It now resembled more a summer lawn in full fragarant bloom: the walls were lined with ivy and a bench (previously an ottoman) sat in the center, ideal for either sharing secrets or stealing kisses. There she was, bent down on one knee, transfiguring the loose threads of a rug into weeds, her hair falling around her face.

Was intuition telling him to go graze on the grass or to tuck her hair behind her ears, cup her face, and kiss her in the garden? James couldn't be sure.

Sensing his eyes on her as she stood up, Lily met James's spellbound gaze. In return, she sent him a reassuring smile.

It told James everything he needed to know. A matter of seconds later, Lily had on a front of unaffected grace - what he'd seen every day for the past several years and last night too, before they shared a sofa, thunder, and tears. There was a softness to Lily she kept hidden, and for the first time, James was certain she'd bared it to just him.

The class passed without further incident or mention of James and Lily's disappearance the night before. At the end of class, much to the chagrin of Amelia Bone's posse, the Marauders plus Frank were given top marks by McGonagall. Though the forests were creative, something about having kept the integrity of the original room also made it most convincing.

"Keep practicing, in your Common Rooms, on each other... not only will large scale Transfiguration be a part of your N.E.W.T. practical, see if it can catch your friends off guard. No better way to test deception than on those whose trust won't waver."

This last line resulted in murmurs around the room, but the reaction didn't have time to settle before McGonagall continued.

"Now, Hogsmeade this weekend... outside the castle, there are numerous factors affecting your safety that are out of the staff's control. We'd be fools to assume you are not at risk in Hogsmeade. I, along with other staff members, heavily insisted that the trip be cancelled."

The students' faces gave no semblance of surprise for they hadn't discarded the possibility of confinement to the castle this term given how rapidly external circumstances were deteriorating.

"As a compromise, the headmaster has decided this will be the last trip of the year. Only sixth and seventh years who who have passed their Apparation exams will be allowed to go. Notices will be posted this afternoon in each Common Room."

The school bell rang as McGonagall finished her announcement. It didn't affect anyone in the room so they dutifully gathered their belongings, congregated in their cliques, and began to file out to their single lesson before lunch.

James and Lily went to hand in their assignments—both of which had been completed by James—and after a wordless exchange, sought out their friends.

Sirius, who was leaning on the doorway, beckoned to James. "Have fun last night?"

Leaving the boys behind, James bolted to Sirius, grabbed him by the arm, and yanked him out the door.

"What were you thinking locking me and Lils in the library?!"

"It's Lils now, huh?" Sirius grinned.

"If she finds out, she'll kill me! Just when things were going well for—"

"She won't find out, mate," Sirius jumped in front of James and started walking backwards down the corridor. "I did it myself. Not even Remus knows."

"Well I don't want her to think I put you up to it or she'll stop trusting me..."

"Prongs, man, relax. If she doesn't trust you at this point, after months of Heads ish, and now that you're not so obnoxious—well, not in public at least—would she ever? And anyways, I bet things will move along for you both now that—"

"You could have at least told me before you set me up!"

"Nah," Sirius moved back to James's side as the pair stepped down a staircase that made a ninety degree turn. "The authenticity of your reaction would've been lost. You get that dazed deer look when you're lying... now that I think about it, no wonder all our pranks have been getting busted for years... really, Remus should be the distraction... Anyways, how did it go with the two of you?"

James sighed, truly thankful for the moments he'd gotten with Lily.

"She wasn't mad. Calm, actually. And flustered! She suggested we share that big sofa next to the fireplace..."

"Nice one James," Sirius commented as James trailed off in his recap of the night before.

"It wasn't physical... but intimate. It got deep... she brought up the war, and her parents..."

"That was not what I intended," said Sirius with the right blend of humor and sensitivity. He knew mention of the Potters punched James straight in the gut. "But that's good, right? You and Lily got to talk about something other than class work or monitoring the halls?"

"Yeah... we fell asleep cuddling." As he said this, James couldn't help but smile. His heart fluttered, no matter the severity of the topic that had preceded this or that would follow. "But she thought I don't like her anymore... because I've stopped asking her out."

"Then ask her out again!"

Sirius's exclamation was lost as they turned into the hallway most crowded in between classes. The clamor of tens of conversations constituted a cacophony, and a mass of robes shuffled in all directions, each with the primary goal of reaching the next lesson on time.

"They really should have made this corridor as wide as... as high as they made this ceiling," whined Sirius. "Hey! Careful you!"

A lanky boy with short, slick black hair collided shoulders with Sirius. He did not look back.

From behind Sirius, James caught a glimpse of the boy's face, and if Regulus Black also noticed his brother's best friend, he ignored this.

"Slytherins, I swear. Walking as if they own the place."

The pair was almost at Ancient Runes when they heard their classmates coming behind them. James stopped Sirius at the doorway.

"I think she's afraid of getting close to me. I think... she's already lost so much."

This didn't happen often, but Sirius put on a serious face. "We all have. Yes or no, that's for her to decide. But if we don't hold on to what we have left, that's losing already."

James considered this carefully.

"I don't want her to feel ambushed. When the time is right, I will ask her."

"You better," Sirius said, walking aside James and into the classroom.


	5. Chapter 5

Lily and Frank were greeted by a stout waft of vinegar and mustard upon entering the Great Hall. They joined the Gryffindor table and a spread of various sandwiches, pickled salad, and crisps awaited them.

Lily had hardly been able to concentrate. She'd just been in a special section with a handful of students who were pursuing Healing. Madam Pomfrey taught them for an hour each day in preparation for the resident study at St. Mungos the seventh years would take up after Hogwarts. As a little girl, Lily had dreamed of studying to become a doctor, so its magical equivalent had been a natural choice. As Madam Pomfrey outlined the differences between topical versus ingestible potions, Lily's mind fixated on the images of waking versus sleeping James.

_He's even more handsome without glasses, if that's even possible. I wonder if anyone but the boys has seen him without them. Waking, he's the image of poise and build, the agility and fluidity with which he flies... but sleeping too, he's stable, rhythmic... I could fall asleep to that heartbeat every remaining night of my—_

"Miss Evans, could you please describe the benefits of applying Essence of Dittany to an open wound?"

If it hadn't been for her disciplined reading habits (and Frank elbowing her), Lily would have succumbed to embarrassment for daydreaming about James for the second time in less than twelve hours.

"Uhh," she began. "Essence of Dittany accelerates the regrowth of skin on an open wound, thus providing natural coverage and protection while the body heals internally. It is particularly useful in rejoining dismembered limbs or when a subject has undergone splinching."

The lesson couldn't be over fast enough after that. Lily was grateful Frank didn't mention her absent behavior on their walk to lunch, though he did look at her concernedly.

James, Remus, and Dorcas were in what seemed like a heated debate over why Runes was even a prerequisite for Auror training, the majority claiming it shouldn't be as the subject was obsolete. Sirius and Marlene were also bickering over something or another, and Alice was helping Peter perfect—by the looks of it—a particularly difficult silent charm. Only Emmeline was absent.

_Likely off in a broom closet with the Slytherin Quidditch captain, _thought Lily.

Frank took a seat next to Alice, and the last empty spot on a bench full of Gryffindor underclassmen was next to James.

Without pausing his argument or acknowledging her presence, James moved his school bag to make more room for Lily. He propped an elbow on the table continuing on with his point.

"On that note, exposure to _actively_ spoken languages is vital to our preparation and should not be seen as just plausible. Why not teach us to be conversational in Goblin, Troll, Giant, Mermish...? Time spent deciphering ancient symbols is a waste. When was the last time any Auror investigated a site that old? Anything of that nature is either a burial ground or does not exist."

Before Lily had a moment to feel slighted at the seeming lack of James's attention, James picked up the platter of spinach, cheese, and tomato sandwiches and placed it in front of Lily. These were, after all, the only ones Lily Evans ever ate.

Lily perked up as she helped herself to a sandwich, but before she could take a bite, Professor McGonagall approached the seventh years.

"Miss. Evans, Mr. Potter. The Headmaster would like to see you in his office."

Their twelve foot radius went silent. Ten pairs of eyes were on their Head of House, eight of which shifted away from her, first towards James and Lily and then towards each other. Lily lowered her sandwich, and James began grabbing his bag.

"No hurry. After you finish lunch will do."

Once McGonagall left the Great Hall, the usual (and simultaneous) questioning began.

"Damn, James, really rubbing off on Evans if you know what I mean."

"At least it's with Lily for once and not us."

"They're not in trouble, you idiot. Or at least probably not..."

"Dumbledore's probably promoting them—to, I don't know, Assistant Professors or some ish—for being the most exemplary Head duo Hogwarts has ever seen. As if, you need more inflating of that ego, Potter."

"Wait, does this have something to do with where you two were last night?"

"C'mon, you know we're not buying the 'late night rounds.' You weren't in your beds this morning!"

"And _definitely_ not buying the 'not together' bit."

James looked over to Lily who, like him, stayed silent in the face of this affront. It was just their friends after all. Their trustworthy, lifelong, ride or die friends. He should just tell them.

_Yeah, we were together. Locked in the library so we slept there. What's the big deal?_

_They'll stop bothering us, _he thought. But it was Lily who James was more concerned about. Her face was still, eyes not as bright, as if she had no more fight left for today.

An invisible force stopped James from admitting what they'd both independently chosen to hide. There may have been a time when James would have gaudily claimed his time with Lily, a welcome addition to the Hogwarts rumor mill. This was not it. Lily's comfort took precedence. He knew just how much she abhorred being singled out for anything decidedly negative. Not that their friends would judge, but others might.

James wasn't at liberty here to shield Lily by putting an arm around her. Before he could speak out, Remus took the stage.

"Put it to rest. Okay, you guys?"

James looked appreciatively at the most generous of the Marauders and jumped in protectively, steering the conversation offshore.

"Take your time and eat, Lily. We skipped breakfast this morning. We'll go as soon as you're done."

Not dwelling on it longer—_they'd tell them when they told them_—the squad were soon occupied with their own schooldays, and the pair was off.

Unsure of what else to say, "Still struggling with Runes?" Lily began once the mealtime ruckus of the Great Hall was behind them.

"Not _struggling_ per say but definitely not enjoying. I just think it's silly... No, I take that back. It's reprehensible. There's no good reason to study it unless you'll be mining for wizard's gold or breaking age old curses in like Egypt."

James still seemed impassioned from his earlier debate, so Lily tread on lightly.

"Perhaps uncovering the source of dark magic is a part of Auror missions. Wouldn't knowledge of dated scripts come handy then?"

He couldn't discount her fully. Nor could James help but notice how she hadn't attacked him but rather had thoughtfully deconstructed—and provided an alternative to—his argument. When they were younger, a civil conversation between James and Lily was almost inconceivable. Now, it was frequent. The affection behind providing perspective so delicately, its motive only selfless growth? Touching.

Impervious to the weather outside and to the time of day, this route to the Headmaster's office was always cold, the air stale. Undying torches illuminated the vaulted stone walls beneath which James now looked down at Lily. They walked side by side. She was hardly a meter away.

_A meter too far._

"Possibly. Might be infrequent enough to warrant making Ancient Runes an elective...," he said distantly, looking up again. "Instead of a requirement for Auror training. Anyways, how was Healing?"

"Oh, you know," Lily mused, arching up to look at James, who was now looking ahead. "The usual lecture right out of the book."

"Which you read four times over the holidays I'm sure."

He wasn't wrong.

"Hey! Some of us aren't naturally talented like you are. We have to actually read the textbook."

_Plus, frees up class time to think about you._

Delighted at the offhand compliment, James peeked down at Lily once more, who herself was no longer looking up at him. The doting banter was arguably the best part of the current state of their relationship, and so James saw Lily halfheartedly hide her wholehearted smile as they approached the magnificent golden gargoyle.

Professor Dumbledore's office looked now much the same as it would nearly thirteen years later when a younger Potter boy would visit for the first time. This was, however, one of countless visits for his parents.

"Ah, Lily, James," he addressed them from behind his desk, gesturing for them to each take a seat. "Glad I caught you during your lunch hour."

"We're happy to help, Professor. What can we do for you?"

"I haven't been able to shake something young Remus said at a Prefect meeting last year, and it's high time I—by which I mean the two of you—do something about it."

Dumbledore briefly shut his eyes behind his half moon spectacles and laced his fingers together before continuing.

"Hogwarts prides itself on a holistic education, but there is one arena in which we have been sincerely lacking: tolerance. The current climate of the Wizarding world feeds off of the insecurities that misunderstandings of difference breed. We send students off far from celebrating diversity but rather unable to accept it. Before we can demonstrate the strength of inclusion, our students must learn to make sense of labels such as rich, poor, magical, nonmagical... Once Hogwarts can teach its students to think for themselves, only then does the Order stand a chance against the spreading fear."

James and Lily listened intently. They, along with several of their classmates, had been discreetly recruited in the fall of their sixth year for Dumbledore's organization. They attended meetings as the school schedule allowed and trained outside their routine preparation for N.E.W.T.s and future professions.

"As Professor McGonagall must have shared, Hogsmeade visits have been cancelled for the year. I would like to replace the scheduled monthly visits with all-day workshops, and I would like you both, as Head Students with striking attention-to-detail _and_ of utmost character, to develop the preliminary curriculum and eventually lead these workshops.

"I envision activities with inter-House, inter-year groups encouraging a healthy dialogue around diversity in a way that motivates even the the staunchest of critics to participate."

"Should we have something prepared for this weekend?" Lily questioned. "In the four days until Saturday...? First through fifth years could have their first workshop."

"It's short notice, but I'm sure you and James could put together a good introduction—something fun."

While it wasn't what James had hoped—ousting Voldemort's youngest recruits from the castle—it sounded like a worthy first Order mission.

"We'll do our best."

"Before I let you two go for the afternoon," Dumbledore said, reaching into a drawer. "You might want this back."

He pulled out James's Invisibility Cloak and placed it over the desk.

"I must have left it in the library!" James exclaimed, taking the cloak and draping it over his arm.

Lily also stood. "Thank you, Professor."

Dumbledore smiled his omniscient smile and as Lily excused them, added with a wink, "Use it well. I'm sure the two of you will be needing more nights in the library this week."

—

The afternoon passed in a frenzy of spell work and note taking. Peter ran out of parchment in Potions, and Amelia took Lily by surprise in Defense Against the Dark Arts, stunning her when it wasn't in the allowed set of spells the class was rehearsing for the day. Sirius defended Lily, which led to Harold and Edward attacking him, and the lot of the boys received detention.

"They'd think to change the punishment by now," Remus stated, shaking his head at the dinner table.

The seventh years were utterly exhausted by this time in the day and, with a mountain of homework between them and bed, conserved their energy from conversation. After a simple dessert of bread pudding, though, Marlene added,

"What's that Amelia's problem? She's always after Lily."

"Isn't it obvious?" Dorcas said, in between bites. "She's after _James_."

Emmeline clarified. "And James is after Lily, which she can't be having."

Frank fake coughed, making Alice laugh.

When the group spoke of them as if they weren't there, James and Lily dutifully pretended it was so. They used to protest, but when their friends wouldn't stop talking over them, James and Lily had stopped responding altogether.

Emmeline continued. "Davies said she was planning some—"

"Since when does Davies tell you things?" Sirius sounded offended at mention of the Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain.

"Since last week, when..." Marlene smirked at Emmeline. "She gave him something Mary doesn't."

Based upon the wince on Marlene's face, Emmeline had likely kicked Marlene under the table before going on in the same even tone as before:

"Mind your business, Black. As I was saying, Amelia might be planning something against Lily—"

"AND YOU'RE TELLING US NOW?"

As his best mate, Sirius was enraged on James's behalf. He knew James was trying to keep a low profile for Lily's sake and to not only uphold his Head Boy reputation but to seriously_ be better_.

_That's what this year is all about_, he'd said to Sirius on the train to Hogwarts last September. _Being better. _Something within James had snapped with his parents' passing, like a broken compass finding its bearings and finally pointing North. The effects weren't isolated to James.

Sirius would happily protect Lily. If it meant the world to James, it meant as much to Sirius.

He continued, further attacking Emmeline, "WHAT IF SHE'D TRIED ANYTHING IN THE TIME BETWEEN THEN AND NOW?"

Perhaps the unease was not entirely for James but partially Sirius's own at hearing about Emmeline and _Romeo_ Davies._ Didn't she know he had played a third of the seventh year girls and half of the sixth years?_

Infuriated, Sirius rose, leering at the Ravenclaw table. As if on cue, Frank and Remus each grabbed a sleeve and pulled Sirius down.

"Like I said, not everything is about you, Black." He was the only Gryffindor Emmeline called by last name (since their short bout of casual snogging in fifth year didn't result in more). "I already told Lily to be careful, and that was the end of that."

"I can take care of mys—" Lily began.

"We know, Lily." This time it was Remus, preventing Sirius from saying something accidentally misogynistic. "Sirius just means he doesn't trust Amelia. And quite frankly, neither do I."

"That was a bold move in front of a Professor today," said Alice. "Who knows what she might do outside of class... at Hogsmeade."

"Yeah. My mum occassionally has tea with the Bones, and they're as sickeningly Pureblood as the Malfoys." Frank was careful to avoid comparison to the Blacks or mention of the Potters. "The James thing might only be exacerbating her born and learned hatred."

Lily finally made herself look over to James. Having zoned out the conversation, he had packed up to go to indoor Quidditch practice in the Room of Requirement. It seemed his mind was already on the drills he'd have the team running in preparation for their first match of the term (still two months away).

"Lily, walk with me?"

The same heat crept up her neck as it had in the morning when Marlene had asked Lily about her night with James. James and Lily were always going places and doing things together, but something unsaid—and yet universally acknowledged—had changed. Lily didn't have to look at her friends' faces to be sure of the silly smiles plastered there. She didn't care to when the only face that mattered in this moment was James's.

His lips were tight; he wasn't usually this quiet. James's darkened eyes burned into Lily's glum green ones, and she was sure that emotions equally as dark were welling up inside of him.

"I'll see you in the dormitory," Lily whispered to the girls, nodding to the boys.

Soon, she too walked behind James and out of the Great Hall.

—

Once they were out of sight, James pulled Lily into an empty classroom.

"In here."

"What?"

He looked both ways behind them to make sure no one had followed and, gently closing the door, sat her down at a schooldesk.

The only light entering the room was through windows high on the wall from a gray, cloud covered sky.

"_Lumos_." He set his wand on the desk beside her and was now on both knees, level with Lily.

Lily looked at James, befuddled. "You're worrying me, James. Are you okay?"

"Are _you_ okay?"

He said this softly, and even though they were alone, just loud enough for her to hear.

"Yeah," Lily reacted. "I was just stupefied, and anyways, Alice caught me before I hit the ground."

"You know what I mean."

She blinked at him.

"I couldn't care less about what they're saying. If it hadn't been for Remus holding me back, I would have hexed Amelia myself."

Recollection of their time together the night before hung in the air between them.

_I won't let anything happen to you, Lils._

When—without thinking twice—he took her hands in his, she let him. He shut his eyes, concentrating—as if she were a hot cup of tea he was carrying in a dainty porcelain cup, one he could drop, spill, and shatter all at once if he wasn't careful.

"Lily, I...," he opened his eyes and took a deep breath. "It doesn't matter if we're together or not. They're still going to go after you. And all the same, even if we're not together, I'm _going_to stand up for you."

At this, Lily furrowed her brows and sucked in her cheeks. She knew the practical thing to do would be to pull her hands away... but he was so close. Lily ran her eyes over his perfect glass skin and his sharp features.

"Why are you doing this?"

"It's my responsibility as Head Boy to set an example... to stand up for what I believe in. It's what I'd do for any student, what I did for you after O.W.L.s..."

Lily shot up, startling James. It wasn't the memory that triggered her but, in a selfish way, James saying that he'd do it for just anyone.

"I'm going to be late for tutoring," Lily said, stepping away from him and towards the door. When James ran practice four times a week, Lily tutored Potions in the library.

"Lily, wait." He almost pleaded.

James ran his fingers through his hair, certain he had inadvertently screwed this up. He walked over so that he was now facing her, etiquette and boundaries long expelled. Lily lifted her face to James in the wandlight.

"Don't make me say it."

"Say _what_, James?" Lily's voice broke. "I'm not going to have you risk your life on account of _mine_! Ideals are one thing and reality another. You will _not_ become a target! Not for me."

Fragments of conversation floated to James's mind as he beheld Lily's face, its beauty unmarred by the pain.

_If we don't hold on to what we have left, that's losing already._

_I wish I had the courage to be more than just your friend._

Lily was terrified of what he might say—or do—next. No, not _of_ James, but of how he could turn her world upside down with a smile or a joke or by saying he wouldn't let anything happen to her. Lily had no control over herself when it came to James, and her own unsteadiness scared her. If he, like her parents, were to perish, she would be left alone again, utterly unhinged and picking up the pieces of herself she'd given away. This was the only way she could protect herself. _Protect him._

Whatever James _should have _done or wanted to do, he didn't. Instead, he replied sincerely to the words she did not speak aloud.

"Don't fall victim to the fear, Lils. You're so much stronger than that. You can't give in. Not yet."

Tears silently streamed down Lily's cheeks, and the fervor with which James was looking at her now obliged a response. And so, Lily took a step, reached up on tiptoe, and kissed James's cheek. Then, she walked right out the door, leaving him alone in the darkness.

Hours later, when Lily lay awake that night, tossing and turning because no bed could ever be as comforting as one with James in it, she thought of how he had had it all wrong.

_Giving in to the fear, _allowing_ herself to fall for James_, that _was the only way to defeat it._


End file.
